Suicide is painless. . . reflection

There is a lot, a lot, of published material out there about learning to know yourself. In some cases this is about suppressing yourself and becoming something that you think is better, Much of the rest of it is about coming to some sort of acceptance about yourself and the way you react to things.

In the post about my friend's suicide I was trying to express what I was going through and in some way trying to understand it all. This friend wasn't the first person I have known well who has died, but the act of suicide of a formally close friend took me by surprise. By some of the reactions I got from other friends, I certainly wasn't the only one shocked by the whole event.

I though in the interest of completeness, and to be honest, trying to get further along with an understanding of myself,  make no real apologies for the fact that, at times, this blog serves as an outlet for some of my angst and I guess in that way serves as a silent listening post. You know, a perfect way to get things off my chest, and not have to listen to someone else try to bend it into their universe of understanding.

So where am I?

I think about it quite a lot. I will be honest, a tiny bit of the sting has gone from thinking about it. It occurs to me to think about it when I see things that remind me of my friend. I do not mean this in the way that, this was his, or that is where we hung out, because I do not have to deal with that. I hadn't seen him in a while as I explained in the first post. So there isn't that reminder in my face. I imagine that for his widow and parents , that must be very difficult. It must also hinder the process of moving forward. I guess it is far too early to suggest moving forward at the moment.

Have I moved forward? A bit yes. After the shock of the event and the immediate aftermath, you do tend to fall back onto your core understanding of the universe. I understand that everyone dies. Everyone you know will be dead given enough time. I guess that fundamental truth makes it harder for us all to understand suicide. If the inevitable is coming, why jump through the door when you don't have to?

That to me is the key. It is a choice, a choice that in reality we all are making each time we check before we cross the road. Before we wait for the train to arrive rather than jumping on the tracks. As it is a choice, why did he choose that? So I haven't moved that far forward. I am still wondering why.

As before, it is not why as in trying to understand what the external forces at play were. Much more trying to understand the internal workings of what makes a person, any person, think that this is the best option to take at that point of time. I still just don't get it. The Ghost In My Shell does not entertain these possibilities. Which means what exactly? I guess it means that whilst I understand that the options are there , I do not consider it to be a path I would take.

Going back to one of the statements I made above, about the sting going out of the memory process, this is because some of the anger at him has subsided. I am still pissed that he didn't reach out to someone, anyone, me, but with time anger should fade with reflection. I would like to give him a shake, tell him to snap out of it and have a drink.

I am not trying to belittle mental illness. Certainly not trying to say that a simple shake and a beer would have cured , no 'cured' is the wrong word, but I am not sure what the right word is. I am trying to say that I realise it is far more complex than anything simple could help to rectify. Rectify, I think that is the word I am looking for. To change the situation from one where he decided to hang himself, to one where he didn't.

That is however the big thing about it all isn't it? I can't do that anymore, because he is dead. Another fundamental truth is that dead people do not come back to life. So as the cliche holds true, there is regret. Regret, mixed into everything.

I would have just liked to catch up.

Have I learnt more about myself? yes I have. I guess in my journey that will help me a bit. Doesn't make this suck any less though.

A word on the music in the post, because although the post isn't about music, it is there for background. The first song is Unsung by helmet. It was chosen because it is a reaction to a friend's suicide. The second song is Aphex Twin and Parallel lines. It was chosen because I think it represents a dystopia. The final song(s) is a beautiful place in the country by Boards of Canada. I chose it because it somehow reminds me of summers spent at the beach with my mate, or at least a rose tinted view of the past.

WTF is going on there? II

I love messed up videos. There is something very cool about the whole visual media that some people just love to mess with.

Look at this.

Now that is a guy

From Sweden.

He is singing in Japanese, very well in fact. I would like to make it clear, no issues what-so-ever with the gender bending thing. But it is a little bit of a shock when he starts to sing. It is definitely a guys voice. Pretty good on guitar. I mean for a Swedish guy dressed as a Japanese girl

on a similar but different vein, there is of course the very famous video by Aphex Twin

Yes, that is messed up also.

But a video doesn't have to have a big budget to achieve the desired weirdness

I love the fact that it is dubbed badly, sung badly, and the dancing is just fantastic. Here is their second video. Seems it may have been done on the same day, in the same place

Not all videos that are classified as weird are actually bad. I am not really a fan of this song, but I love the video for some reason

I guess I just miss Japan a bit.

Ok one final one to show that not all strange stuff actually comes from Asia . .

Ok, the weird stuff that comes from other parts of the world is not nearly as funny.

There is nothing more to this post than having a bit of a laugh.

It is Friday, so cheer up. . .

Guns and Roses part II Hall of Fame

Throughout this blog I have made ample reference to a band that did a large amount to change some of my perceptions about music, The Mighty Guns and Roses. I even dedicated an entire post to them here. Not a great post, but it does get across the idea of the effect they had on me.

So, as you may or may not have heard or seen, the mighty gunner's are back in the news. They are going to be inducted to the Rock and Roll hall of fame. I am not sure how I feel about this in general. I mean, does being inducted into something like this really mean anything? Some of the people in it I really have to question. U2 are in it, and you know my feelings about them, if not, have some fun with this.

I sit in a similar quandary when thinking about the Grammy's. How much do I really care? I did some research (wikipedia, that counts right?) and most of the people inducted I do not really have an issue with. However, if a band are not inducted do I care that much? No of course not. Do I especially like them if they are? No of course not. ABBA are in there and Aerosmith are not. That seems odd doesn't it?

Regardless of my ambivalence to the actual inductees and the whole process of selection, still upset that U2 are there, what has come to light is that the front man of Guns and Roses has publicly said he does not want to be inducted and does not want to be inducted in absentia either. His statement on that part reads like this:

"I strongly request that I not be inducted in absentia and please know that no one is authorised nor may anyone be permitted to accept any induction for me or speak on my behalf," Rose wrote. "Neither former members, label representatives nor the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame should imply whether directly, indirectly or by omission that I am included in any purported induction of 'Guns N' Roses"

Now, despite my 15-year-old fantasies that I would now be life long friends with the guys in the band, I am not really close enough to the situation to be able to make a comment on anything else other than what I have read in the press.

So sorry, no music for you, here is something from Appetite as a reminder

What the press have said is that there is still a lot of bad blood between the members being inducted. The members being inducted are as follows Steve Adler, Duff McKagen, Dizzy Reed, Axl Rose, Slash , Matt Sorum and Izzy Stradlin. Now, the clued up among you will note that that line up includes two drummers and two rhythm guitarists. OK, that is kinda of the way it works with Guns and Roses. As I said in my previous post on them, they had some line up changes between their 1st and the 3rd and 4th album releases.

I am alright with Matt Surom and Dizzy Reed being included. It is not the original five members and therefore the creators of Appetite for Destruction. But that is alright. They were a part of this.

I am sure they will be pleased to hear I am OK with it. Anyway, the press is reporting that because people have apparently said that the original band may reform, Axl has decided that he is not getting enough respect and that until everyone who has said this stands up and admits they made it up, there is no chance of a meeting, let alone the band reforming. OK, this is clearly linked to the fact that the latest incarnation of the band is not receiving the same level of respect that the original, or mkII band did. You know why Axl? Cause they are not as good. There, I said it. Everyone has been thinking it, and apart from a google search that yielded around 4 million hits on why the album Chinese Democracy sucks , no one was prepared to say it. So jokes aside, if it is obvious to everyone in the world that the band has passed its peak, and let me be very clear here , I am in no way saying the members have passede their peak, because the stuff that Slash and Duff are putting out rocks and is cool and while it may not have the original impact is still brilliant, as a band Guns and Roses are over. That is why they are being inducted! Axl, seriously , stop being a douche and get over this. If the band were to reunite, for one or maybe two world tours, I would go. I would go to the States to Idaho, sorry people in Idaho but I am sure you know why I said this, if that was where I could get a ticket to see them. It would be hard to even get a ticket there. Because everyone would want to go. That is because the band, the original or mkII band are still one of the coolest bands there is. So, despite my ramblings what I wanted to say is , yay to Guns and Roses being inducted, but boo to Axl for not being there. Seriously, just do three songs with the original members. I would vote for , Sweet Child of Mine, Rocket Queen and Civil War. (cast your votes in the comments section please). Just because no one would expect it. Please?

Life's full of disappointments

It has to be hard to make it into the public consciousness as a band. You have to be good, speak to people, and even then you may go unnoticed because of timing. I think it is because of this that bands are very aware of promotion and do their best to get themselves out there. They build up their own mythology and effectively sell parts of themselves to the public in return for attention.



There are very few bands over the last 50 years who have done this better than The Doors. I really like some of The Doors music. I think I have said before that I bought into the Jim Morrison mythology at a hedonistic part of my life. I have grown out of that now, but the music remains and I do look forward to hearing some of their music from time to time. It isn't music I have left behind 

Some time ago I watched a documentary on the making of their first self-titled album. I wrote at the time how much I had my eyes re-opened to the music. Two of my heros, Henry Rollins and Perry Farrell, appeared on the documentary and this only re-affirmed some of the ideas that had been filed away in the back of my mind about the quality of The Doors music.

So you can imagine how much I jumped for joy, OK, so I am not really a jumper when joy hits, I was mildly excited, when I saw on one of the TV channels here that they were going to show a Classic album series doing one of my favourite albums, LA Woman.

Cool, an in-depth look at the way the album was made.

Ah  . . . no. It was an hour long delve into the myth of Morrison and the way the Doors stood for counter culture - what people, who very clearly had too much time to think about it, thought each song's symbolism was to Morrison.

Extremely dull.

It is not that I do not get the whole myth thing. But it needs to be taken with a pinch of salt. Actually with a huge bucket of salt. Before this gets into a rant on a level with this great one from Amadeus in Music by Day , I want to remind of how good the music is.

Before we even start, let's not forget that this is a band that were hardly even talking to each other and had all of the issues that meant the only real reason they were still together was because they were too valuable to the record company to not keep them together. 

So the track listing is as follows

The Changeling
Love her Madly
Been down so long
Cars hiss by my window
LA Woman
L'Merica
Hyacinth House
Crawling King Snake
The WASP
Riders on the Storm

That is a strong album. A very bluesy, dare I say West Coast American album. By that I mean, it taps into not just the blues, but the whole country and western ideas of loners and the shattering of dreams. Some self loathing, some reflection and some defiance.

The next thing I would say about the album is that what gives it strength it not the lyrics so much. Some of the imagery is great, but actually it is the other members of the band and their tightness as a band. The blues and swing feel to so many of the songs is just amazing. It is not just the title track that is so good at conveying the feel of the lyrics, Love Madly, Been Down so long etc etc . The musicianship is far better than the lyrics.

I am not going to go through every song and explain what is good about it, you may not exactly agree with me which is fine, but mainly because you should discover this album for yourself or re-discover it. See what you think.

What I will do though is talk about the two songs that ended the original vinyl sides on a record. I have the record for this album. I actually have it in most formats except 8 track. Perhaps I should get an 8 track of it to complete a collection? I think that would elevate it up the list of albums to a top ten position and I am not sure it belongs quite there . .

LA woman, what I love about LA Woman is the driving beat. The idea that the song is a somewhat out of control journey. A song full of hedonistic joy. Tinged with reflection and the idea of a night that wasn't really planned but kept on going and turned into something memorable. My point above, of the muscianship really comes through on this song. The lyrics are just about going out in a crazy town. The music though is something else. The tightness and the rhythm of the band is amazing.The song never lets up. I just adore the feeling of it. There is even a part of it when it slows down that reminds me of jumping in a taxi to go to the next spot in a night out. A slight downturn and then back into the craziness.

Riders on the Storm, is so different from LA Woman it is hard to think they are on the same album and that it still makes sense as an album. It is also a journey, but a completely different and far more introspective one. One much more orchestral in its composition and the effects of the double vocal track, with a very subtle drum beat give it an almost ghost-like quality. A much more solitary and isolated feel to it than LA Woman. It was the first Doors song I heard and it did lead me to explore them more, with pretty good results I have to say. I am never quite sure what the song actually says to me. I think I just enjoy the soundscape.

 A fitting and very triumphant way for a band to leave us.

Listen to the album (again) it is well worth it on a Sunday afternoon. Life may not always live up to expectations and the idea of the myth of Morrison is very true in this aspect, but look under the surface and the disappointment may be dispelled by the jewels you sometimes come across.