The black dog

Not a post about Led Zeppelin's classic from IV, but rather a look at how some people have been able to convey their depression into some of the most powerful music that we have. The title actually comes from Winston Churchill, who suffered from depression and when it descended on to him he described it as The Black Dog returning. I use it to show that even those most powerful and driven individuals can suffer from this most insidious illness. It sometimes drives them to create, strive, achieve things that the happy, balanced and together people in this world are not able to.

Music, and art in a more general sense, is littered with the people who are often on the edge of depression , sometimes on the happier side of the line, sometimes not. For those of us who did not put in the time to practise playing a musical instrument to a point where we would be able to use it to help us convey the feelings that we have during these times, there is their work which we can then identify with. Even if only slightly.

Depression takes on many forms and because of this it is incredibly hard to treat. This means that there are many different songs that will convey what is going on with a particular person when they were writing and as such it does not always mean that there is a song you should listen to that I could possibly recommend. Every one is different as is every person's circumstance.

Robert Smith from The Cure was able to get across some of the seeming endlessness nature of depression with the album Faith. Here is the title track:

To me . that song represents some of the lethargy and inability to see past the dark clouds that depression has. Robert Smith in an interview I heard 20 years ago said something along the lines that he listened to that album on his birthday every year because it represented exactly what he wanted to do with The Cure.

If you have read this blog before you may have come across this piece I wrote. In it I mentioned this song by Husker Du

I like this song because it articulates the isolation of it all. The feeling that everyone else is doing Ok and that why then am I not doing OK? In that song he is really not OK. I think that in there is that feeling that it would be easier to take his life than it is to be able recover. I am pleased to say that he did not take his life, but that he went on to create some equally powerful music.

Suicide is a topic that is touched upon in music. Sometimes it is done in ways that are at first quite surprising. This to almost everyone in the world is the theme tune from mash.

It is however a very beautiful song. The melody is something that appears to be sweet and almost comforting. the lyrics though. Wow.

'The game of life is hard to play
gonna lose it anyway'

Not so comforting really. Is that the most bitter sweet song there is? I watched M*A*S*H growing up, and never really bothered with the music of the titles until I was older and read somewhere about the song. Thanks to You Tube I was able to hear it and also this version:

Well ,to me, that takes away all of the sweetness and you are left with the bitter. For me though, that song is an impression of what depression is like. It is haunting and amazingly dark, and paints a picture of bleakness. However, it is not the singer speaking to me. I do not get the impression he is really at that spot where the dark clouds are overwhelming him. Not like the Husker Du song.

For me, when my dark clouds came over for any length of time I wentto this song:

Before that came out , it was The Cure , The Smiths , Husker Du. When I asked for advice on how to be a better blog writer, a person whose blog is published in a couple of national newspapers told me to try to keep it personal because it would connect better with people. Depression is a difficult topic to write about however. I think the fear sourrounding it is similar to that of a recovered junkie. If you start to delve into it again then there is the possibility it will take you over again - like being in the same space as the drug you have recovered from.

I haven't suffered from depression for more than a day or two for a long time now. Years in fact. Which in itself is something to be very thankful for. If I was able to pinpoint anythng that changed  it would be that I was able to channel my anger at things a little better. I was able to see that I was using part of my self loathing as a force aimed at myself and that it was eating me from the inside out. Changing it, slowly, day by day to then start to achieve some goals helped. It became a virtuous circle.

The music helped a lot. During the period when the Black Dog returned it helped me to not feel quite so isolated and I think by trying to appreciate what the artist was trying to sayhelped to stop the relentless introspection.

Because at the end of the day you know:

I would say that if you are having a hard time, put on some great music. Wallow in it but only for a while. Put a plan in place when you are healthier and use it when it happens. Most of all, talk to someone about it. A lot of people know more about it than you might think.